After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
