i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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