a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
