Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love having hate sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Watching her eat just hurts me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
