Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Screwed.edu
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
