The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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