I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Enjoy the penises
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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