My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
