dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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