so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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