I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
where am i from again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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