and next time when you feel me up, do it right
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize