i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
