i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
