Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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