kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
