where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
