I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I touched a dick in church today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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