2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
