i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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