I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
