"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
