You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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