but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
