I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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