In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
