and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
