You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
