He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
