Kiss
Puke
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
