You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
