dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
