I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
