Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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