how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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