oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
