We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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