ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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