What did we do last night that was yellow?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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