I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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