You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone signed my nipple.
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