sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
