Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
