Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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