So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
