Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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