Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize