sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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