By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
