Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
