Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
