I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
