jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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