I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
