his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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