I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
