whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
