she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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