so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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