I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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