3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
