Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
