once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
