She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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