He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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