someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
