so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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