I am spending my child support on dildos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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