i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
