why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
