that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
