naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
