If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
did i just pee glitter
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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