It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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