oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
